Brush and suction work in the same pass, so the undercoat lands in a 2.5-liter sealed canister instead of the air, the rug and the back of the sofa. At 65 dB, the cat is still in the room when you finish.
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I have permitted this one indoors. It does not shout, and it keeps what I shed rather than redistributing it across the sofa I allow you to sit on.Mochi, Chief Shedding Officer
Nº 01 · Exhibit A
The couch, four in the afternoon.
Every one of those tufts left the cat and landed on something you own. Drag across the cushions and take them off. That is the entire product, in one gesture.
The couch was mine before it was yours. I have merely been marking it, at a rate you appear to find inconvenient.Mochi, Chief Shedding Officer
65 dB. Quiet enough that the cat stays in the room.
Most grooming vacuums run past 80 dB — a running dishwasher, held next to an animal that hears an octave and a half above you. This one sits at 65 dB, about the level of two people talking at a table. That gap is the whole reason the first session gets finished instead of abandoned halfway down the hall.
A cat purring on your chest25 dB
A fridge in a quiet kitchen40 dB
Two people talking at a table60 dB
The Shed Vacuum65 dB
A typical grooming vacuum82 dB
A kitchen blender90 dB
75 dB and up: where most cats decide they are done
Figures for the reference sounds are typical published values. 65 dB is the manufacturer’s rating for this unit.
Nº 03 · In the box
Five heads. One motor. One plug.
It is not a cordless handheld, and that is on purpose: 300 W off the wall does not fade halfway through a session, and there is no battery in it to die a year from now. Groom within reach of an outlet. The clipper is the one part that takes batteries, so it can leave the base.
01
Deshedding brush
Works the undercoat loose while the suction holds it, so it never lifts into the air.
02
Electric clipper
For mats and the tufts between the paw pads. Six guide combs, 3 mm to 24 mm. Runs on two AA batteries.
03
Nail grinder
Files the tip down instead of cutting it, which is easier on a cat that has met clippers before.
04
Crevice nozzle
For where the fur actually ends up: sofa seams, the car seat, the bottom of the cat tree.
05
Cleaning brush
Clears the filter and empties the canister without you having to touch the fur.
2.5 LSealed canister
300 WAt full suction
6 ftCord, 120 V plug
ETLListed, and FCC tested
Nº 04 · Dictated by Mochi
Five rules, for the household.
Grooming a cat is a negotiation, and you are not the party with leverage. These are the terms.
I
Announce yourself.
Let the machine run for a full minute somewhere I can see it, without touching me. I will conclude that it is furniture. Only then may you begin.
II
Begin at the shoulders.
Not the tail. Certainly not the stomach. The shoulders are neutral ground. Work backwards from there, in short passes, and stop before I have to ask.
III
Five minutes is a grooming.
Twenty minutes is a grievance. End it while I am still content and I will return tomorrow of my own accord, which is the only way I do anything.
IV
Never force a knot.
If the brush stops, so do you. Clear the head, or take the clipper to it. Pulling is how you lose my confidence, and my confidence takes weeks to rebuild.
V
Mind the cable.
This one runs off the wall, which is why it does not weaken partway through. Choose a spot near an outlet before you collect me. I do not wait while you rearrange the room.
Follow these and the arrangement holds. Ignore them and you will find me under the bed, which is a place you cannot reach and I can.Mochi
Nº 05 · The list
The five rules, on paper.
The same five rules set as a one-page PDF — for the fridge door, or for whoever is looking after the cat next week. We write when something new arrives, which is not often.
MewMewHouse document No. 001
The Five House Rules
IAnnounce yourself.
IIBegin at the shoulders.
IIIFive minutes is a grooming.
IVNever force a knot.
VMind the cable.
Dictated by Mochi
Nº 06 · The catalogue, all three of it
Three objects. Nothing else.
One for the fur, one for the cat who will not accept a motor, and one for the energy that has nowhere else to go. Prices and stock come straight from the warehouse.
Solid wood, quiet on the rollers, heavy enough to stay put. Furniture that happens to absorb a cat’s three in the morning.
$126.90
Shipping includedIn stock in the US warehouseSee it
Thirty days
If the canister stays empty, send it back.
Use it on your own cat for a month. If the coat is not coming out or the cat will not sit for it, write to us and we will take the order back. We would rather refund you than have another grooming tool living in a cupboard.
MEW MEW is new, so there are no reviews under this product yet. We would rather say that plainly than borrow somebody else’s. The thirty days stand in until we have earned our own.
Nº 07 · Ask Mochi
The objections, answered.
Is it going to frighten my cat?
That is the whole reason this one exists. At 65 dB it runs at conversation volume instead of the 80 dB-plus most grooming vacuums put out. Start on the lowest of the three modes, let it run near the cat for a minute without touching them, then begin at the shoulders. Most cats settle within the first session; a few need two or three short ones before they stop leaving the room.
Is it cordless?
No, and we would rather say so plainly. The unit plugs into the wall and draws up to 300 W at full suction, with a six-foot cord. That is why the suction holds steady through a whole session and why there is no battery to degrade over a year.
The clipper attachment is the exception: it takes two AA batteries, so you can use it away from the base.
Is it certified for use in the United States?
Yes. The unit is model MAS-503plus-US. It is ETL Listed against the US and Canadian safety standards for vacuum cleaners and for clippers, and it has been tested to FCC Part 15 Subpart B for electromagnetic emissions. The FCC compliance statement is printed on the box.
It is a Class II double-insulated appliance, which is the reason the plug has two prongs and no earth pin. Indoor and dry use only.
Does it work on long-haired cats?
Yes, and that is the case it handles best. The deshedding head is built for the undercoat, which is where almost all of the shedding comes from. Work in short passes and clear the head when it loads up rather than forcing it through a knot — anything already matted is a job for the clipper head first.
How do you empty it?
The 2.5-liter canister lifts off the body. Open it over the bin and the fur comes out as one clump rather than a cloud. The cleaning brush in the box clears the filter, so you are not picking fur off a mesh with your fingers. Unplug it first.
Who is Mochi?
The reason any of this exists. Grey tabby, opinionated, wears the monocle because he believes standards have slipped. He tests everything and approves very little.
The Shed Vacuum
One pass. No cloud of fur.
Two colors, $119, shipped free from the United States.
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